Yesterday was a gut-punch, another reminder of the uncertainty of life. On the same day that I found out that my father took his life exactly ten years ago, I discovered that a former workout instructor of mine had also died by suicide.
I had to sit down. The room was spinning and before I knew it I was sobbing.
However, this is not about me.
This is about the fact that we never know what people are facing, what inner demons they are battling. Just because everything looks sunny on the outside, there could be a hurricane happening on the inside.
I HATE when people say that suicide is selfish. (That said, when I was younger and much less wise, I was guilty of exactly this.) What suicide is is a way for those hurting so much on the inside to end the pain. There is a quote by Phoebe Stone from The Boy on Cinnamon Street that goes, “Some people are just not meant to be in this world. It’s just too much for them.” Some argue that it’s harder for these folks to live than it is for them to die. Those of us not in their shoes will never know.
What I DO know is that no matter what you are feeling or going through, you are not alone.
It may feel that way. You may feel like you have run out of options, or there is no one you can turn to. There is help. And I don’t just mean for those who are struggling with suicidal ideations. I also mean for those who are struggling from recent loss.
988 is a new phone number not only to be used as a suicide crisis line but also for any mental health assistance. You are always welcome to call, and you can also text. It is a lifeline and also a helpful resource.
For those experiencing grief or recent loss, please give yourself grace. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. There just is.
It took me some time to accept the fact that my dad died by suicide. (I stopped saying “commit suicide” years ago because of the negative connotation with that phrase. I also like to say “mental health” versus “mental illness” for the same reasons.) It took me even longer to publicly speak about it, and much longer to recognize the domestic violence that was present before it. We are all on our own journeys through this crazy life. The least we can do is be kind – to others, but most importantly to ourselves.
If you or someone you love is experiencing a mental health crisis, please reach out to 988. You could save a life, including yours.
