Warning: If you are offended by curse words, this blog is not for you. That’s ok. I’m ok if you don’t read this. Just be warned. If you do not like swear words and you choose to continue reading, that’s on you.
At the urging of my husband Mark last year (or earlier this year…who really knows these days in the age of COVID when time stands still yet travels in warp speed almost simultaneously), I read the book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, by Mark Manson. The book is aptly named but also throws a fast one at you as you are reading it. You learn that what the author is really saying is that we have to CHOOSE what to give a fuck about. This blog is inspired by his book and the happenings in the world lately.
I’m tired and I don’t give a fuck. Rather, I give many HUGE fucks about the things I care about, but I give ZERO fucks anymore about petty shit, like whether I wear the same clothes two days in a row or if I speak my mind to someone who needs to be put in check. I’m only 38 years old, but I can vividly remember at the young age of 24 being told by my boss that I had already experienced life as if I were a middle-aged person. What does that say for me now, especially since I have lost a father to suicide, friends to cancer, and cousins to tragic accidents?
I’m too tired to deal with bullshit about masking and vaccines. Just do the right fucking thing and shut up. I’m done trying to be PC about it. If someone’s decision is posing an immediately threat to MY children who are too young yet to receive the vaccine, you better fucking believe I will have something to say. Just as it’s OUR right to live more than it’s someone else’s right to own a weapon, we could say the same thing in asking folks to merely put a piece of fucking cloth over their nose and mouth. And please don’t tell me you can’t breathe. George Floyd truly couldn’t breathe; you are just being a selfish asshole.
Things I used to do, such as analyze my body while in a bikini, or turn a brighter shade of pink when called upon to answer something I don’t know, are non-issues (mostly anyway…after all, I am still human). They have been moved to my IDGAF pile. When friends come to me embarrassed with their drinking stories, I inform them that there are things about my past that would shock them. It’s not about that. It’s about our shared humanity, our honesty and vulnerability. THAT is what I give many fucks about.
I spent the beginning of the week watching coverage from 9/11/01, reading newspaper articles, and reading my friends’ stories who were in NY at the time. As an empath, it breaks my heart and makes me feel deep sorrow for those whose loved ones were stolen from them 20 years ago in an act of terrorism. After listening to these harrowing stories, I couldn’t live with myself if I continued to care about petty mundane nonsense that has no effect on our future.
Don’t even get me started on climate change. Every single day we have a choice to help our planet. The little things matter SO MUCH. From major events like beach cleanups to sailing across the ocean rather than flying, to small commitments like recycling everything you can and donating to your favorite environmental agencies, YOU can make a difference.
At the recommendation of my friend Rich, I have also read the books, Men Explain Things to Me and Recollections of my Non-Existence, by Rebecca Solnit. I devoured these, after a series of other feminist books I have used as research for my book and inspiration for life. Reading these books just shows me how far we have yet to go to reach equity and equality in our country, let alone the world. THESE are the things I am paying attention to. Which brings me to the fucking abortion ban in Texas, because you know, white men should absolutely have a say in what happens to women’s bodies, and they are absolutely qualified to state that women’s bodies will shut down and not reproduce if they are raped. What the shit is that?!
The pathetic sequel taking place today at our US Capital today, after the insurrection led by extremists trying to kill our legislators on January 6th, is another reminder of what to give a fuck about. Last night I sat with my sweet 5 year old on my lap, listening to my Congresswoman speak at an event, about precisely this. My 5 year old heard her use the word kill repeatedly, at which point he began crying, worrying that someone is going to come for him. This makes my blood boil that our own fellow Americans are evoking terror in my sweet child. I have to check myself though and remember that there are many families in war-torn countries across the world who live in terror every single day, fearing for their lives. They are trying to escape their everyday nightmares, and we should absolutely be welcoming these folks with open arms - not turning them away.
Deep breath. Pause. Breathe again. Are you still with me? If you are on my team – let’s call it Team Rainbow Unicorn – because we are fucking awesome, then I know you are cheering me on. If you are not, you are likely calling me names and seething right now. But let me ask you this, what do YOU give a fuck about? If you care about others, you should be on Team Rainbow Unicorn too. However, if you only care about you and your immediate loved ones, I can see why you would not be. These morals that I hold dear – that I give many fucks about – are morals that help the WORLD, not just my immediate loved ones, or even my immediate community for that matter.
I cannot just sit idly by while our world and our country are destroyed. I have to give many fucks about the things that are near and dear to my heart, so many that I have none left to give for those who are unconcerned about their fellow human beings.